Can someone please tell me if my blogs can be read by everyone or only the people who have written to me or vice versa.  I am having trouble posting a picture too.  It won't matter if my internet gets turned off....I just want to know why I can't post a picture and I'd like to know if anyone is reading this.  Thanks.  D. D.

Hi everyone,

    The time has come for me to have my interent and telephone disconnected.  I just can't afford these luxuries anymore.  Being agorophobic, (not able to leave home), the internet is my only means of communication with the outside world.  I have found all you wonderful people who are in similar situations as I am.  This sounds awful because I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, but I don't feel so alone when I read your blogs.  Sometimes I cry and the pain is unbearable when I read some of your stories.  I wish I could help you all.  It angers me when I hear how much money the government wastes.  I think the #1 priority should be getting care for our veterans who come back from war with scars you can't see.  A good friend of mine had a son who my kids grew up with.  He joined the Marines.  When he returned from Iraq, he couldn't get any help for his Post Traumatic Stress.  He hung himself.  How about helping the working poor, handicapped, and elderly.  I'm babbling now.  It just sickens me to think of what our government officials pay for one lunch while we have to go to food pantries.  I'm crying and hurting for all of you now.  I hope there is some way I can keep my internet connection but if not, I wish all of you the very, very best.  Love you all,  Depressed Donna

Hi Keith,

    I'm depressed Donna.  I have been in your shoes more than once.  The first time the bank took my house because I didn't know my rights.  There was more equity in the house than what we owed on it.  I am now divorced, my 3 children are grown and on there own..  I was working at a hospital as a cardiology tech. when I lost my job due to my depression.  It's a long story.  I was 4 months behind on my mortgage.  I called the bank and we worked things out.  They modified my loan, added the past due amount, stretched it to a 40 year loan and gave me a 4% interest rate.  Banks don't want your house.  They have enough of them with the housing market the way it is.  I too tried to end it all.  It is so overwhelming.  I am 50 years old.  I had to sell my car so I don't even have transportation.   I live out in the boonies.  My electric bill is up to $3220.  They put a lien on my house.  Apartments are more than my mortgage payment.  On June 5th it will be 4 years since I have worked, driven a car, or have gone outside other than my doctor's appts. and I miss a lot of those.  My internet is going next.  I hate to see that go.  It is my only connection to the outside world.  I feel terrible for you because I know how hard it is and the older you get the harder it is to find a job.  If you haven't talked to the bank about modifying your mortgage, try it.  All they can do is say no.  I wish the best for you.  Donna

I hope all you are doing well.  I have been getting regular updates on the status of Medicare or Medicaid paying for Vagus Nerve Stimulation implant surgery.  I have also read about another device called "deep brain stimulation".  I guess it will be years before it will be approved for the use of depression.  It is now used for MS and Parkinson's.  Two electrodes are implanted into 2 selected parts of your brain and a "pacemaker like" device is implanted into your chest.  It sounds promising but years away.

Does anyone with new VNS implants have any comments on how things are going for them?  Good or bad, would like you to share your experience.  Even though Medicare and Medicaid won't pay for the implant, I have talked to my psychiatrist about the implant.  She is trying to discourage me from thinking about it.  In June it will be 4 years since I have worked my last job, 4 years since I have gotten behind the wheel of a car and drove.  I have only gone out a handful of times and that was to doctor's appointments.  I got sick, my family kept telling me to go to my doctor for a check up but I refused.  While I was an inpatient in a psych. unit having ECT treatments, the staff arranged to have a doctor come to me.  I had to have surgery.  Because I waited so long there were complications and I ended up in the hospital for 6 days.  Now the problem is coming back but I won't go to have it checked out.  Back to the VNS implant.  My doctor doesn't think It would help me.  That is why I am trying to get as much input as I can from people who have had the implant.  I have spoken to a represenative at Cybertronics; they thought it would help but of course I couldn't take their word for it because they are the ones selling it. I spoke to the nurse in charge at Mass. General.  She also thought I would benefit but no insurance coverage, no implant.  I wish that people who don't understand what it is like to be depressed, afraid, etc. could experience it for just a few days. 

I wish you all good mental health.      Donna 

Hi Who Knew, I have been to an endocrinologists and a neurologist, I've been checked for tumors, thyroid, hormone imbalance. I have had ECT treatments with no relief. I read about the Vagus Nerve stimulator implant and the company sent me a lot of information. Of course they are only going to tell you the positive results of VNS Therapy. Thank you so much for responding to my e-mail. Donna

Hi Emil, I was wondering if you know of any government agency that can help me with my mortgage payments. I receive SSI but it is not enough to cover the payment, my property tax keeps getting higher and higher. I had written to you before. I am receiving fuel asst. which should get me through part of the winter, my electric bill is way over due, the only reason they have not turned me off is because my doctor writes letters about my illness but I owe the $1300 and the Good Neighboy energy fund won't help, my car needs repairs and my insurance was cancelled. I was 7 days late paying my last installment of $70. I have a perfect driving record. I would just like to be able to stay in my home. I have applied for SSDA on 11/26/2005 but have not received a decision yet. I know I am babbling but I am so overwhelmed by bills and repairs. I just can't deal anymore. I do see a phyciatrist that had tried me on many different medications, had 2 courses of ECT. I am trying to get approved for a Vagus Nerve Stimulator implant to help with my treatment resistant depression. Any suggestions?? I know I am not making much sense. Depressed Donna

To Concerned Mother, I have been on SSI for years. It used to be that my depression went into remission for up to a year at a time so I was able to work. I would then fall back into depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress. I can't leave the house and haven't other than my physician appts. I have to be drugged up to go to these appts. Don't give up on SSI. I can tell you that most people get denied but you have to appeal. Depending on where you live, there are Legal Services that don't charge a fee but help you with the process. I applied for full disability on Nov. 26, 2005. Almost 1 year ago, I keep getting the run around so I have contacted an agency in my area. I know it is hard to get up the energy and motivation to help yourself. My mortgage is a few months behind, my electricity is way overdue. I owe $1300. The only reason it hasn't been turned off is because my doctor writes them letters every 3 months regarding my illness. I am terrified of losing the house. The rent on apts., is more than I pay for the mortgage plus I have pets that I couldn't bear to get rid of. They have been with me for so long. Just don't give up on SSI. Good luck. Donna

Hello to all of you that responded to my posting on depression. I have what is call Treatment Resistant Depression. I have been on all the old meds, the new ones, combinations, 2 courses of ECT therapy but none of it seems to work for me. I stay in the house, don't even get the mail across the street. I have been doing research on Vagus Nerve Stimulator's. It is an implant in your chest much like a pacemaker, with a coil that is wrapped around your Vagus Nerve. The longest nerve in your body. The implant divice gives off a slight electrical charge and regular intrevals. This stimulates the Vagus nerve to produce the chemicals you are lacking. I am trying to get this proceedure done. It is a long term treatment that is supposed to get better with time. Anyone interested in more information call 1-877-now-4vns (1-877-669-4867). If anyone out there has the VNS implant, I would love to hear what you think about it, even if it has been unsuccessful. Thanks so much. Depressed Donna

Hi Mr. Sotirov, I hope you can give me some advice. I am on SSI (social security supplemental income) due to my depression. I receive $640.20 a month in benefits. My mortgage is $830. plus my utilities. I am 47 year old female. My children are grown and have moved away. I* lost my job as a cardiology tech. on June 6,2005 due to my depression. I am so behind on my utility bills and now my mortgage I am afraid of becoming homeless. It happened to me once when my husband of 23 years left me with 3 little children, a giant mortgage, and all the bills. The bank gave me 3 weeks to get out. I worked 2 full time jobs in order to buy this house. I am not able to work yet because I am undergoing electro convulsive therapy for my depression. I do have memory loss from the treatments. I hope that it will return. My question to you is, can you tell me where or what agency can help me with past due bills? I am mostly worried about my mortgage and electric. If my electric gets turned off my furnace and water pump won't work. It was very difficult for me to get through the holidays. I am taking it minute by minute. If I didn't have my dogs and cats that depend on me I think I would just take my pills and go to sleep. I am crying my eyes out as I am writing this. I hope you can give me some suggestions so I can get my life back together again. I have been in healthcare for 20 years and gave and gave. I would skip my breaks to sit with lonely or dying people. I want to get back to that life. Even if you can't help me, thank you for listening. Depressed Donna

Hi,  My name is Donna Cummings.  I live in Holland, Ma.  I was lost my job June 6, 2005 due to a disability, major depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress, and difficulty leaving home.  I receive $640.20 a month in SSI benefits.  My mortgage paument is $815.00.  All my utilities are past due. The fan on my car's heater/defroster won't work.  My home is in need of repair.  The pluming in the bathroom leaks into the cellar near an electric fixture.  I can't bathe or shower.  The bathroom floor/cellar ceiling is rotting.  I had to pull up the lineloeum to let it dry.  The whole tub unit needs replacing.  The siding on my house has dry rot in places.  I painted it once but the paint is chipping off.  I scraped and used a power washer but couldn't get all the paint off.  The house is historic in Holland.  It was built in 1932.  I live alone.  I do have 3 grown children.  My daughter drives me to my appointments.  I am getting electro convulsive therapy twice a week for the depression but so far I still feel horrible.  I cry all the time.  I don't know if anyone can help me but it felt good to write this down.  I hate to accept charity.  I wasn't brought up that way but I don't have a choice.  Please, please if there is anyone out there that can help me please e-mail me.  I don't know how much longer I will have access to the internet.  I thank you very much.  I also wish all who read this a happy and healthy New Year!

Sincerely,

Donna Cummings  e-mail: cummings620@aol.com